No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
