when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
