Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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