The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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