dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
