im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
