when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
