My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
