i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
