pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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