My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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