just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So squirting runs in the family.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
