Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
