I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
