You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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