Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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