Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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