remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
