I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
