I just saw a hot homeless man
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
