a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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