ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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