I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
