She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
