I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
