Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
