unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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