we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
