Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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