Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
