I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
