Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Michael Bay diarrhea
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
