he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
