I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
