Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
