if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
