Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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