she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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