ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
