So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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