There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
