Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
