I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
