Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
