thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
