I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your dad touched me again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
