Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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