Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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