drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let's get the cat blown out
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
