Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i can't believe i had my finger in that
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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