I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
youre lurking in front of me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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